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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669812">Over and over</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/donttouchtheneednoggle/pseuds/donttouchtheneednoggle'>donttouchtheneednoggle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ADHD Gwaine [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ADHD Gwaine, ADHD Merlin, Canon Era, Elyan is a good bro, Gen, Gwaine Centric, Gwaine gets love and support, M/M, Percival is a good bro, Post-Season/Series 03, Pre-Season/Series 04, Season/Series 03, They do now, i wrote this at 2am when all my brain wanted to do was whack rocks with a stick can you tell, idk if they had cheese graters back then, iiiii don't know how to tag this, sensory issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:23:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,559</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669812</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/donttouchtheneednoggle/pseuds/donttouchtheneednoggle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As a child Gwaine could never sit still.<br/>As an adult he never does.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elyan &amp; Gwaine (Merlin), Gwaine &amp; Percival (Merlin), Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ADHD Gwaine [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2262626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>181</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Over and over</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As a child Gwaine could never sit still.</p><p> </p><p>He would rock on his chair and drum his feet and tap his fingers and his mother would scold him for chewing the necklace that had belonged to his father and his tutor would scold him for braiding a strand of his hair, braid and unbraid it, braid and unbraid it and not listen to a word he was saying.</p><p> </p><p>He would sit at the dinner table when he’d finished eating, bored out of his mind, and hum, and the vibration in his throat was something but his sister would snap at him to shut up and he would but the humming would fill his head until he couldn’t hear anything else. Then he would hold his pendant and move the ring round and round, round and round and long to be anywhere, anywhere else.</p><p> </p><p>The other kids barely tolerated him and he didn’t know why, only knew that he screwed his face up strangely and laughed in the wrong places and made annoying noises. Only knew that any time he’d made a friend to share jokes and mischief with he’d managed to fuck it up; weird them out or scare them away and the rejection stabbed at him like a knife.</p><p> </p><p>He loved the woods though. In the woods he could run and yell and climb trees and whack rocks with a stick to his heart’s content and no one was there to get mad at him.</p><p> </p><p>......................</p><p> </p><p>It’s a relief when he’s finally had enough and runs off for good.</p><p> </p><p>He’s barely more than a teenager but he’s not scared, or lonely.</p><p> </p><p>He tells himself so.</p><p> </p><p>He’s never short of company after all. He fills his life with drinking and laughter and games and sex and fighting and running and he never sits still and there’s no one to get mad at him because he leaves them all behind before they can leave him.</p><p> </p><p>Then he meets Merlin, with his bemused laughter and shining eyes.</p><p> </p><p>And Gwaine is terrified because he doesn’t want to leave him, and it almost seems like Merlin doesn’t want him to go and he might just be begging him to stay and Gwaine almost caves but it’s better this way, he tells him, <em>better this way</em> he tells himself as he downs his next pint and dives into his next brawl, and then and then and then he’s <em>there</em>, Merlin’s there and he’s grinning down at him and Gwaine can’t believe his eyes because <em>he came back.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>For him! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>And then Gwaine leaves. Again.</p><p> </p><p>And then Merlin finds him. Again.</p><p> </p><p>An accident this time, maybe, but Gwaine will take it, and maybe, maybe it’s third time lucky because this time Gwaine stays.</p><p> </p><p>At first his new life is no different, all fleeing and fighting and passing a wineskin back and forth with the sarcastic blacksmith who he's sure doesn’t like Gwaine half as much as Gwaine likes him, but it is different because he’s <em>scared</em> as they head towards the castle.</p><p><em>Scared</em> just before they attack not just for Merlin but because grumpy Elyan nudges him playfully, and stoic Percival shoots him an unexpectedly dazzling smile, and Gwaine realises that this is one fight he cares about surviving.</p><p> </p><p>......................</p><p> </p><p>To begin with after their victory it’s mostly patrols, searching the woods for Morgana and Morgause, and that is where the problems start.</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine is used to travelling, used to walking or riding long hours, but he would always eat something as he went along, even if it was just dried meat to chew on, or, better, apples, when he could get them.</p><p>(Gwaine can get more apples now. He likes to munch them during training or missions, any time it makes Arthur scowl. Pissing Arthur off doesn't bother him, not when it makes even serious Lancelot have to fight back a smile.)</p><p> </p><p>But out on patrol food is strictly rationed and confined to mealtimes, and Gwaine is achingly bored as he rides along. He twists a lock of his horse’s mane round and round, round and round and the humming rises, louder and louder, vibrating in the bones of his head and he worries at his lip until blood tangs metallic against his tongue.</p><p> </p><p>He catches Percival watching him with a frown and waits for him to tell him to shut up or go and ride ahead with the older knights and leave him there.</p><p> </p><p>But he doesn’t tell him to shut up, and he doesn’t leave him. Instead he draws his horse to a halt and dismounts and beckons him over to a pine tree. He shows him how to scrape the soft bark off with a knife and gives him some to chew.</p><p>The bark is syrupy and spicy and Gwaine still hums as they ride along but softer now, merrily, and Percival grins.</p><p> </p><p>......................</p><p> </p><p>It’s council meetings that Gwaine dreads starting the most, and they turn out to be every bit as bad as he expects.</p><p> </p><p>Sitting on a chair and he can’t rock on it and he can’t hum and he can’t tap his fingers because the other knights will stare at him disapprovingly and he wouldn’t care but he can’t fuck this up, can’t fuck it up for Lance and Elyan and Percival who have to work so hard to be taken seriously and like it or not they are stuck in this together.</p><p> </p><p>Staring at the wood grain of the table, seeing pattern after pattern, folding in on themselves one after another, over and over.</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine’s leg bounces.</p><p> </p><p>Leon is saying something about taxes for the peasants and Gwaine cares about this… it’s important and- and- and something…  Leon is talking and Leon means lion and it’s like there’s a lion trapped inside Gwaine’s chest, clawing at him.</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine’s leg bounces faster.</p><p> </p><p>His necklace is beneath his armour where he can’t reach it. He picks at the skin on his thumb until it’s raw and his whole body feels scraped raw, like he’s being dragged across a giant cheese grater and everything is horribly painful and everything is horribly empty.</p><p> </p><p>Leon drones on.</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine’s leg bounces faster still.</p><p> </p><p>Elyan who sits next to him looks like he wants to smack him and Gwaine thinks this is it he’s going to move and Gwaine will be left alone with everyone crowded away from him.</p><p> </p><p>But he doesn’t smack him, and he doesn’t move, and the next day he comes up to him with an affectionate smile and places a handmade bracelet of braided leather in his chapped hands.</p><p> </p><p>Next council session Gwaine twists the bracelet round and round, round and round. The end is frayed and he braids and unbraids it, braids and unbraids it and manages to catch some of the details of what Leon is saying.</p><p> </p><p>They’re going to lower taxes. That is good.</p><p> </p><p>He contributes something intelligent and Leon looks delightedly up at him.</p><p> </p><p>Elyan kicks him under the table, encouraging.</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine looks up and around, watches the dust motes dance in the sunbeams without the voices tuning all the way out, and then his attention is caught by Merlin, standing behind Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin with his sharp cheekbones and earnest voice.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin whose eyes flick round the room, over and over, over and over.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin who shifts his weight from one foot to the other, back and forth, back and forth.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin, whose long fingers fiddle with the edge of his neckerchief, twist and untwist, twist and untwist.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin who sees him staring at him and smiles.</p><p> </p><p>......................</p><p> </p><p>Their first date they go for a walk in the woods. Gwaine hums loudly. In one hand he holds Merlin’s and the other he holds a stick. He whacks it against trees and rocks as they go and Merlin watches him contentedly, his free hand trailing over every trunk and twig and leaf.</p><p> </p><p>When they reach the stream they tug off their boots to kick their feet in the water. Gwaine pulls at bits of grass and watches Merlin’s nimble fingers make a daisy chain.</p><p> </p><p>After a bit he flops back on the ground and Merlin joins him.</p><p> </p><p>He flips over on his side and gazes at Gwaine. His hand reaches over and combs through his hair, then drifts idly over his cheek, fingertips carefully tracing his stubble. Gwaine watches a small smile play across his face as he hooks a finger through the ring of his pendant and twists and untwists it, twists and untwists.</p><p> </p><p>On impulse Gwaine leans over and kisses him. Merlin’s lips are firm and warm as they move against his and he bites his lip and Gwaine doesn’t try to contain the laugh of delight that bubbles up in him as they break apart. They don’t go far, just lean their foreheads together, sharing breaths.</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine reaches over to cradle his jaw, thumb tracing the fine bones of his face. His fingers trail down to the the frayed edge of his neckerchief and twist it round and round, round and round.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin sighs dreamily as Gwaine presses languid kisses behind his ear, along his jaw, down his neck and he leans round to kiss Gwaine’s forehead, the bridge of his nose, his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine’s feet kick in the cool stream and his fingertips trace patterns over Merlin’s warm skin and he hums softly against his lips. Happy.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me? Projecting onto Merlin characters? It's more likely than you think.<br/>Comments and kudos appreciated :)</p><p>Come hang out on <a href="https://donttouchtheneednoggle.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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